Name Your Cow and Drink Lots of Milk

By naming a Cow, it produces more milk. reports Scientific America.

British researchers compared production from the country's National Milk Records with the survey responses of 516 dairy farmers to see if there was an association between yield and cow naming. Dairy farmers who reported calling their cows by name got 2,105 gallons (7,938 liters) out of their cows, compared with 2,029 gallons (7,680 liters) per 10-month lactation cycle. The results held regardless of the size of the farm or how much the cows were fed. (Some 46 percent of the farmers named their cows.)
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"If cows are slightly fearful of humans, they could produce [the hormone] cortisol, which suppresses milk production," Douglas says. Farmers who have named their cows, she adds, "probably have a better relationship with them. They're less fearful, more relaxed and less stressed, so that could have an effect on milk yield."

This study suggests that milk production is related to the fear factor of humans. Naming the animal reduces this fear, and thus the cow produce more milk. Or, is it because when you name a Cow, the name forces the human to take on a sense of ownership? If you have a stake in the Cow (i am so puny), then you are inclined to care for it more, be around it more, and take more of an interest in its milk production capabilities. All of that adds up to healthier, better fed, and more attended cows that produce more milk.

Along these same lines, I have also heard that talking to plants help them grow faster then plants that don't get talked to. In fact, when I was in elementary school, we did such an experiment. We had two plants, one of which we read stories to daily, and one that was neglected. Both were watered and receive ample sun, and the one that was read to, did grow slightly taller (I make no claims to scienctific validity of a study done when I was 7 years old)

What gives? Well the same principals are at work. We aren't talking to the plant across the room. We were reading right next to it, providing it more attention, and subtly, more care then the plant we weren't in contact with on a daily basis. Under those circumstances, it is more then reasonable for the plant that got a daily story to grow taller then the one that didn't.

Naming your cow or talking to your plants is a good thing for us but it is meaningless to them. What is in a name? Is Bessy better then Steak Sandwiche Jane? Or, do they care what storey you read to them? Do some plants prefer comedy over drama? Of course not. It matters to us humans though. The fact that we take the time to read to a plant or name cow is good for us, and what is good for us, translates into good for the things we care for. By creating an emotional bond, we in essence take care of the cow or the plant because it helps take better care of ourself.

Even if it's mainly for my psychological well being, now I know that what is best for me and my (non-existent) cow is to name it Sh*t For Brains. It is will be even better to pet it's head and say, "How come the sh*t in your head doesn't smell, Sh*t For Brains?" Then, I will have a never ending jokes, and I will have lots of milk to drink. Win Win.